Is Looking Cheating?

That question has raised serious contention in some conversations.  Very simply, we would say, it depends.  No that is not a cop-out or middle of the road non answer.  Let me explain. 

We Move Toward That Which We Think About Most - Nightingale.

If you have read any of my work you will know that I am a very strong believer in this quote from Earl Nightingale.  It is difficult - impossible - to look one way and walk another without soon crashing into something.  To look at another women or man who is not your spouse is a dangerous road.  

I've heard it and when I was young and single I even joked with the saying - "you can look at the menu, just go home for dinner" or any variation of the same. When we are single it is funny. You are supposed to look.  You are looking for a mate.  Once you have your mate, the blinders have to go on.

Are you comparing, lusting, objectifying, or self gratifying?

I am going to look att he whole act of Looking from a perspective of the why.  Why are you looking?  What are you seeking?  There is a very distinct difference between looking and noticing.  To be in a meeting and notice an attractive person is normal and natural.  To then look is driven by a need or desire that can often times lead to problems and take us off course from our partner.

1. Comparing.  Looking - like when yuo buy a car, a dress or a new phone is an act of carison and analysis.  When a guy looks at a women is he looking to compare her to his wife, his wife to her?  If a women is looking at a man is she comparing her husband to this man?  Whether we consciously do it or not the mind will begin to draw analysis between what you are looking at and what you already have.  Possitive or negative.  It is impossible to test drive a car and not compare it to what you currently have.  Do it enough and you will find the car that is better than the model you are with and soon you will be looking to purchase.

At one point you will find yourself looking at your spouse and comparing him or her to the looks you've been taking.

2.  Lusting and objectifying.  There is a reason you looked after the notice.  Was it because of the body, the hair, the smile?  Did you get their name or even notice them beyond the portion of their body you were looking at?  Objectification is a huge issue and when we look, we are rarely looking at the whole person and thinking what an amazing person they are.  More often than not, our intention in the looking is a form of lust and objectification.  

3. Self Gratification.  No one really wants to admit it, but we often look because it is pleasing to the carnal parts of ourselves.  We look because we are sexually excited.  This can be on the street, in the board room, in the classroom, a clients session, or on the computer.  It does not matter where it is that we are looking, The rise and ease of access of pornography in all of its degrees has made looking a common and somewhat socially acceptable practice.  "It doesn't harm, it won't hurt" are the common refrains.  This is not the case in the committed and loving relationship.

Looking is cheating.  It is the act of placing your spouse to the side for a moment and indulging the physical pleasures in the mind with someone else.  Look long enough at the candy store and you will eventually be inside.  Doesn't your spouse deserve that honor? Aren't they the ones we promised this desire and passion too?  We think so.

Brett 

"Don't Let Business Bankrupt You Family"

America's #1 Entrepreneur Marriage Success Coaches

Brett M. Judd MSW and Gina H. Judd LPC The Relationship Renewer.
www.TheLoveEntrepreneurs.com   +TheLoveEntrepreneurs

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